For many people, money and finances can bring up a range of different emotions that can impact their mental health.
How many of you find your mental health and emotional well being impacted by your financial situation?
More often than not, talking about finances can cause people a source of embarrassment and dis comfort.
Have you ever loaned someone money, and maybe it has been delayed or it hasn’t been returned to you? Did you have to remind the person they hadn’t paid you back? Did you have to keep chasing them up? And when you did so, did you feel awkward, uncomfortable, or embarrassed?
I have many times over. It became a repeating cycle with me, and caused me all sorts of stress, anxiety, and worry. It wasn’t until long after I recognised this repeating pattern which I entered into that this was about my own value system. I valued others about myself, and I made an emotional investment in other people’s situations rather than my own.
I used to give freely because I just wanted to help people out and support them. No matter what the reason, I lent money, I never considered my needs and how this might impact me. Just to clarify, I am not suggesting don’t loan money. Rather than use caution. If you have the funds to do so, and it’s what you want to do, that’s for you to decide.
However, I would invite you to consider whether you emotionally and financially invest in people when you are both financially and emotionally struggling. Is your financial and emotional bank balance healthy and in credit? Or is it in debit and at risk of financial or emotional bankruptcy?
If so, is it time to explore how this might be impacting you and your life?
Our earliest financial experiences can start in childhood like many experiences we have . These experiences can then form part of our personal belief system and shape our financial experiences in the future.
Throughout my childhood, finances were an issue. One of my parents had over a period of time, two businesses that went bankrupt. I was about 8 or 9 at the time. I still remember how this impacted our family situation.
There were other issues within the family situation. However, it wasn’t until many years later that we had been financially controlled, part of a wider coercive controlled environment. I remember discussions about how we might be made homeless and have to live in a caravan.
What we could spend as a household was limited, all the way down to how many phone calls we made. This was before the days of mobile phones. If ever we went out to eat, we were told to choose the cheapest thing on the menu. Or if we asked for something, we were told we couldn’t afford it? Or often we asked if we could afford it?
I am not sharing my experiences as a sob story, simply to explain how our financial experiences from our childhood can continue to impact us throughout our adult lives.
For a long time, as an adult, my finances were a roller coaster. Partly because no one taught me about finances, I didn’t know how to manage them. I got my first credit card at 24 and didn’t even know how they worked. I then got into a spiral of credit cards/store cards, overdrafts, and loans. I wasn’t overly excessive, but as with all of these sources of credit, they come with a huge amount of interest to pay back. When you get into the cycle, it can be very hard to get out of it.
In turn this can take a heavy toll on our mental health. It can cause us untold worry, concern, stress, anxiety, and panic. It can control every aspect of our lives. It holds power over us rather than us having power of our finances.
I remained in my awful cycle of financial issues for a very long time, and it impacted my mental health hugely to the point that on a couple of occasions, I had suicidal thoughts.
One day, or perhaps over a period of time, I realised I didn’t want my financial situation to continue as I was. I just wanted to be free of all the issues I had around money and finances, and managed to find about of it. I am not for a minute saying this is easy. Because it’s not!
It can be a long, hard road and you don’t suddenly stop worrying about money, or become a millionaire! But it can get a bit easier!
HOW? By taking control back. Own your financial situation. Take the power back.
Firstly, sit down and thought storm every single thought worry, concern, anxiety, stress that you have about money? Write down all those thoughts and feelings you have associated with them.
Now bin them, burn them, get rid of them. None of this defines you.
MONEY DOESN'T DEFINE YOUR WORTH! YOU DO!!
A few years ago, although I wasn’t in debt, I went into panic because finances became tight. It took me back to all those old childhood experiences. I went into fear mode and worried I would become homeless. I didn’t! BUT the fears were real.
I realised then that money and finances can cause me to panic. It was at this time that I heard the owner of a local football team who weren’t doing well, talking about finding a strategy out of the situation.
This is when it dawned on me. I needed to find a strategy out!
This helped focus my mind and find a way forward. I have written separately about how I did this in a different blog post. PAUSE PANIC! THINK STRATEGY which you might be interested in reading.
Click on the link below to view it. https://stepbysteptherapies.co.uk/2026/09/25/pause-panic-think-strategy/
At the same time as this, I had this realisation about panic, I heard someone talk on YOU TUBE clip about money, and they referred to money as being just a tool. This was another light bulb moment which helped me re shape my belief around money, and financial issues which really helped me in moving forward.
Money can easily become emotionally charged based on our childhood beliefs, experiences, and how we view it. I think it’s safe to say we could all do with more money, would like more money. BUT in reality, WHAT DO WE ACTUALLY NEED?
One of the first steps to financial freedom, is sitting down, and writing down all your OUTGOINGS. This isn’t a beat yourself exercise and give yourself a hard time exercise. So be kind to yourself. This is a first step out of the situation exercise!
NEXT identify all the OUTGOINGS that are absolutely essential to you living, breathing, and getting to work. Yes, a hair appointment, manicure, take away, even that coffee on the way to work might feel essential but how essential is it? I’m not sitting in judgement it at all. YOUR CHOICES, are just that.
There are times in my life when I have cancelled appointments, not met up with friends, or cut down on shopping, and many other things. But very occasionally, I have been in such a bad head space, a bag of chips, or bus ride out to clear my head, have been essential to me so that I can re charge and manage my finances better.
NOW…re adjust your outgoings if you are able. TAKE OUT the nice to haves and stick with the essentials for now. HOW’S THAT LOOKING?
If once the nice to have’s have been taken away from the OUTGOINGS, and your finances are looking unhealthy. I am going to mention the DEBT word. I am not suggesting you are, just if you believe you are)
Yes, DEBT. What I want to say is that whatever you owe.
This DOESN’T define your worth. YOU DO! Also, please don’t beat yourself up with the could, haves, should, haves, must, haves. Or get involved in the blame game. It’s happened and you are here.
BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS! YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY HERE! THIS IS THE PART WHEN YOU TAKE POWER BACK, AND START TAKING CONTROL OF YOUR FINANCES, AND FIND A WAY OUT.
YOU’VE GOT THIS! I have every faith and belief in every single person reading this, that no matter how bad things might look like now YOU CAN DO THIS. YES YOU!
I’ve already mentioned identifying the essential outgoings. If you are currently in debt, I want to invite you to honestly thought storm every single thing you owe, no matter how large the amount, or ‘bad’ it might seem. As I mentioned earlier, I encourage you to take the emotion out of it, and think of money as a tool. Now, get that tool to work for YOU!
Perhaps the first step might be talking to someone about this. Perhaps offloading all the emotion, thoughts, and feelings you have about all the STUFF going on for you at the moment.
Also asking for HELP. I know that HELP word can be difficult. It might feel awkward, uncomfortable and embarrassing. But none of us are super human, we all need some help and support along the way. When I refer to help, I am not talking about financial help as such. Here are some of the things that CAN help you if you are struggling financially.
FIRSTLY look at the BOUNDARIES you have around money.
Start with your own spending. Do you know when to STOP? Is your spending out of control? There is no judgement here. Recognising if you are over spending is one of the first steps to improving your financial situation.
THEN consider the BOUNDARIES you put in place with others regarding your financial situation. Do you over give money, resources or anything else?If so, is it time to start saying no? Or do people push you to spend money when you don’t have the finances to spend. Its okay to say NO. Financial issues are extremely private and person, and no one can understand your situation apart from you.
CONTACT the companies you are in debt to.
TAKE CONTROL. TALK TO THEM. ASK THEM IF THERE IS ANY SUPPORT AVAILABLE. Yes, this might sound harsh when you might feeling vulnerable. I do understand. BUT THIS IS THE START TO YOU TAKING THE POWER BACK, and not allowing you to be controlled by your finances.
COMPANIES might suggest a more manageable payment plan. It might not feel like it now BUT you aren’t the only person struggling financially. I am pretty certain most people have experienced financial struggles at some point in their life.I certainly have and know others who have too.
CONTACT YOUR BANKS, CREDIT CARD COMPANIES, MORTGAGE COMPANIES ETC. BE HONEST WITH THEM. Explain to them your situation, ASK THEM FOR HELP, AND GUIDANCE on the way forward with your situation. They will appreciate a more pro active approach. This also gives you some power and control over the situation. Remember YOU are in CHARGE of this, even if it might not feel like it right now. YOU get to choose what direction this moves. NO this doesn’t mean that you will suddenly be debt free BUT it does mean you are WORKING TO BEING DEBT FREE. How does that sound?
Honesty can really go a long way. You won’t be the first person who has struggled, and you won’t be the last.
CONTACT organisations that can advise you on your personal situation. Here is a list of a few organisations which can help advise you on your current financial situation.
National Debt Helpline
Step Change
https://www.stepchange.org/contact-us.aspx
CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau)
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/
However you found this post, I hope it has helped you in some small way. It is one of the longest posts I have ever written. However, it is something I feel passionately about. You might be surprised to learn that whilst I was training as a counsellor twenty five years ago, I struggled with my finances. As part of my training, I was required to have my own personal therapy. I couldn’t afford anywhere near the full fee, so I had to negotiate a reduced rate. Doing so left me feeling embarrassed, awkward, uncomfortable, and ashamed. What I have learnt over the years is that there is absolutely no shame in having financial issues.
Asking for a reduced counselling rate helped me not only manage my own mental health, and helped me to complete the personal therapy requirement of my Counselling course, which led to me completing my counselling training and becoming a counsellor.
If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be here writing this!
For anyone who could do with some mental health support in relation to finances, there are organisations that offer FREE counselling.
Whilst as much as I would like to do so, I am just not in a position to offer a free service as a private counsellor.
However, I can offer a heavily reduced rate. I offer pay what you can afford rates and will happily discuss these with you. From my therapy room in Ainstable, via telephone, and online, I can offer these more easily. However, at Belah in Carlisle, I pay a room fee, so I do have to take into account this when I agree a reduced fee.
If you have read this far, THANK YOU! Take care of yourself, keep well, and remember that no matter how things look financially right now, they do have the potential to get MUCH BETTER. Good luck!