IS NO YOUR DEFAULT SETTING? WHEN YOU COULD BE SAYING YES?

Have you got what it takes? BUT you can't quite bring yourself to say YES. If this is the case, I would like to invite you to consider WHAT LEADS YOU TO DEFAULT TO NO?

This is something I found myself pondering the other day when I was considering doing something, I hadn’t previously considered. If I am honest, I am not good at putting myself out there and trying things that are a little bit different. Because I find it SCARY!! TERRIFYING!! AND DAUNTING!! I just want to run in the other direction.

You might also be surprised to learning that I almost defaulted to NO before writing and sharing this post.

This realisation about DEFAULTING TO NO got me thinking about how much safer or easier saying NO can be. For me certainly it can act as a default mechanism. When I was contemplating my own situation, it was a combination of fear and lack of self belief. BUT it got me thinking that sometimes saying NO or deciding not to do something can be a bit of a default mechanism. For me it can be a bit of a comfort blanket. WHY? I am not sure. Maybe because it feels a bit risky.I'm not a fair ride type of person, so it's possible I am a bit risk averse. What about you?

Before I continue, I just want to say that sometimes saying NO and not doing something, CAN be a good thing and certainly best for our MENTAL HEALTH and EMOTIONAL WELLBEING. There is nothing wrong with saying NO. This post is more of an invitation to explore the times when saying NO might lead us to miss out on that opportunity, that social interaction, relationship, chance to try something new, that chance to grow, develop, benefit, and blossom from something

So in the instances where it is safe and emotionally safe to say NO, I would like to invite you to examine where the NO is coming from. I would like you to consider. What makes it a NO rather than a YES?

Is the reason you say NO due to;

• Lack of self confidence/self belief
• Fear of what will happen
• Fear of failing
• Based on past experiences
• Fear of what others might think or that you might be judged
• Fear about if it doesn’t work out
• It is out of your comfort zone
• Fear of life and relationships changing
• Childhood experiences
• Based on feeling you have to act or behave in a certain way

If you are not sure what it might be like to make YES your default setting. Here are a few things you can that might help you with this.

•WILL SAYING YES NEGATIVELY IMPACT MY MENTAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING?

•THOUGHT STORM. Put all your thoughts and feelings on paper. Then circle the ones that belong to you. Then those that might come from what others might say or might think. It can be surprising what ‘stuff’ we hold onto that doesn’t belong to us and thought storming can be a great way to identify who and where our ‘stuff’ originates from. For example. ‘I can’t do that because they might not like it’ or ‘I’m not going to try it because they said it didn’t work for them’.

•Then create another list just with your thoughts and feelings. Once you have done this look further at your list, and contemplate how many of these points link to;

*FEAR
*LACK OF CONFIDENCE
*LACK OF SELF BELIEF
*WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION
*HOW OTHERS MIGHT JUDGE YOU

. SELF TALK. CHANGE the language you use when you talk to yourself. How would it be to use kinder, more empathic, and compassionate language when talking to yourself.

CHANGE, I CAN’T to I CAN. CHANGE I HAVE TO to I WOULD LIKE TO. The language we use on ourselves can have a huge impact on our choices and our default settings. Changing our language can have a great impact on what we do in life and our relationships and social interactions.

• THINK about: WHAT YOU COULD DO? HOW COULD YOU DO IT? Consider your expectations. If you were to alter them, would it make a difference to your DEFAULT SETTING?

• WHAT might change if you were to say YES rather than NO? WHAT BENEFITS could there be to changing your DEFAULT SETTINGS?

• SPEAK TO OTHERS. EXPLORE THE OUTCOMES

• DO SOME RESEARCH. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Sometimes it can be easier to say NO when we don’t have all the FACTS. Would a bit of research and some more information help?

I invite you to explore the possibility of making YES your DEFAULT SETTING rather than NO. Sometimes defaulting to YES and embracing opportunities can EMPOWER and ENABLE us to embrace opportunities, relationships, and connections that enhance our life. Whatever you decide you are in control of your DEFAULT SETTING and can choose to change it any time you wish.