I posted something on my counselling Facebook page recently which attracted some attention and inspired me to write this post.

In childhood we might have experienced bullying at school or elsewhere. Perhaps you are a parent and are currently supporting your children through this situation. But how many of you have experienced bullying in the work place or somewhere else as an adult.

I myself have experienced bullying in the work place and other situations on a few occasions in my life. It has knocked my confidence, self esteem, severely impacted my mental health and left me a shadow of my former self. Thankfully I eventually walked away from the environments that were impacting me, built myself up again and been able to move forward to a much brighter happier future. However the experience has lingered and I think made me overall more cautious about group situations.

Sometimes when we are in an environment that causes us pain or damages our mental health we are unable to see the damage it can have on us, it's not until we walk away that we see it's impact. This can be true of both environments, situations, and relationships.

I know myself have lived in fear of going to work everyday for sometime how these situations can eventually break us.

What I have learnt from this is; that living in fear of a job, a boss, or colleague to the point it impacts you on a daily basis even when you are not at work is unhealthy. Whilst we cannot change others and perhaps elements of our work environment we do have the power to take steps to safe guard our own emotional wellbeing. From my own experiences, I appreciate this can be easier said than done at times, however even making the smallest changes can make a huge difference and your mental health.

Here are some ways that can help you if you are being bullied in the workplace or elsewhere.

1. Identify how the bullying is impacting you on a daily basis. One thing that can help you with this is writing down all elements of the situation and then rate each aspect on a scale of 1-10. With 1 being the least impact it has on you and 10 being the least. Once you have done this look at the highest scoring situations, the ones rating 7 and above out of 10.
2. Having identified the key aspects of how you are being impacted. Take some time to think about what you would like to be different. What needs to change for your to start feeling better? It might help to imagine if you were to wake up one morning and feel better, what would it be like, what would have changed.
3. Once you have identified what would need to change. Ask yourself what 3 things could you do to make those changes? They don't have to be big things to begin with. Everything starts with a first step.
4. Seek support from others. Talk to someone.
5. Focus on what you can change rather than what you can't
6. Take some time out to clear your head. Sometimes the old phrase of sleeping on it can really make a difference.
7. When communicating with people use I statements rather than you statements. This allows you to take the power back in a situation. Be clear when you are speaking to someone. Address the issues you have and what outcome you want from the situation. Remember that you can't change others however you do have the power to make changes to your situation. Words can be incredibly powerful. 
8. If you aren't sure what to say it's okay to write things down or rehearse them.
9. Focus on your breathing. Believe it or not taking breaths in and out can really help. When you exhale let go of any stress and tension.
10. Find time for relaxation.

Above all remember that whatever the situation your mental and physical health is the most important thing. You are worthy of being valued and being treated with courtsey and respect. If any situation is impacting your wellbeing to the point you are becoming unwell, living in fear, or a situation is impacting your health perhaps it's not the right place to be. Somewhere out there is a place or person that will treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. Take care of yourself.