Thank you for taking the time to read this blog post. This particular post is aimed at those with loved ones that might not feeling ready yet to seek counselling support. However, for those whose loved ones are ready to take that first brave step and seek counselling, here are a few places they can find further support. There are many different counsellors out there with different styles, and I can't state enough how important it is for someone to find the right counsellor for them. It's okay to have a chat, research a few different options to begin with. Counsellors will appreciate what a big step this is and will understand that you need to find the person that is the best for them.

Here are some places that can help you when looking for a counsellor:

. Speak to a G.P.

. There are a number of professional counselling bodies who have listings of their members. These include NCPS (I am a member with this professional body), BACP, ACC, and UKCP.

https://ncps.com/

https://www.bacp.co.uk/

https://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/

. There are also some general counselling directories that have listings of counsellors from many different counselling bodies. One of the most well known ones, one I am listed is Counselling Directory.

https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/counsellors/tracy-smithers

. Charities such as mind can also point people in the right direction of counselling support.

https://www.mind.org.uk/

For those that have a loved one who is not quite at the point of feeling ready to engage in counselling, this post is for you, shared with much compassion and understanding. Seeing a loved one struggle in life can be hard, difficult, and ultimately really tough especially if you are impacted by this. Sometimes it can cause us to feel sad, isolated, lonely, angry, frustrated, or some other emotion. This can in turn impact our relationship with this person and perhaps want to 'fix' the person, or get them sorted out so life can get back to 'normal'.

Firstly it's absolutely okay to feel however you feel, emotions can trigger us all in different ways and at different times in a our life. We all have our own personal 'make up' that we wear through life. By that I mean we carry our experiences from childhood, relationships, work, health, and other situations and our experiences and triggers are all personal to us. There is no right or wrong way to feel these emotions. However, we can choose how we react and respond to that which triggers us. So what has this got to do with getting my loved one help, I hear some of you say. The reality is whilst we can love, support, care, and nurture our loved one, we can never 'fix' them. Ultimately, the only person who can one individual is themselves. We are spectators in the lives of our loved ones, just as they are in ours. Absolutely, we can draw on all forms of support to get us through, however, the responsibility and choice to fix ourselves rests with individuals.

So how does this relate to counselling? As a counsellor, it is important that a client comes to counselling because they want to rather than because they have been told they should, or feel they have to. This also extends to children and young people. Athough I arrange appointments through parents/carers and ofcourse I require parental consent, it is really important that children and young people are happy to come to chat with me.

Counselling can be a hugely complex process. One of the key reasons for it being important that people come to counselling out of their own choice is to ensure that they feel safe, comfortable, and ready to discuss issues that might be painful of difficult for them. The counselling process can go deeply, and it might explore issues that go far beyond the initial issue. Counselling can be like onion layers, you can unravel one to find another. So, it is important the person seeking support comes not just when they are ready but they find a counsellor/therapist that is the right fit for them. I often say that counsellors/therapists are all different, and just like shoes you need to find the right fit for you. As a counsellor, I suggest to anyone who contacts me that they come for an initial appointment with no pressure for them to decide if I am the right fit for them.

WHAT CAN I DO IF MY LOVED ONE DOESN'T WANT COUNSELLING?

Whilst your loved one might not require counselling at this time, sometimes seeking support yourself can in fact support you in supporting your loved one. This might not be an easy thought to process. I mean if it's someone else's issue/problem why SHOULD you seek counselling. I absolutely ,understand why you might feel that way. However, the beauty and benefit of counselling is; that it can have a ripple affect and that all you explore in counselling and the benefits you can in turn can support your loved one.

SO WHAT CAN I GET FROM COUNSELLING/THERAPY THAT MIGHT HELP ME SUPPORT MY LOVED ONE?

A place to offload any feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, or frustration you might be feeling towards your loved ones. This means that you can manage relationships and situations with a clear head. It's absolutely okay to feel how you do, however, how we respond to situations is really important, and can lead us to feel either empowered or disempowered. When we feel disempowered by a situation in life it can be exhausting and draining on our own mental health. This can particularly impact us when communicating with loved ones with poor mental health.

As a counsellor, I am also able to talk through coping strategies with the people I see. So essentially we can work together and situation solve a situation. For example if you are wondering how to manage a situation, we can sit down an explore how you can manage a situation, and break it into manageable pieces. Taking it step  by step.

Explore strategies can be particularly helpful if for instance there is a child or young person that doesnt feel ready to engage in counselling yet.

Also, any counselling you have will empower you and enable you to understand the counsellor process, and any benefits that you experience. Sometimes, in life to understand something, we need to experience something fully ourselves first.

I firmly believe that counselling is a journey, there is no right or wrong way, it just is the right way, at the right time, for one person. Everything in life has the potential to grow, it all starts with planting a seed, and it is up to us whether we nurture, and nourish it or not. People are just like seeds to, and whilst we cannot 'fix' someone we can offer some support with nurturing of that person.

Something I have learnt over the years I have been counselling is that one of the greatest gifts you can give some one is:

A TIME AND SPACE TO BE LISTENED TO, AND HEARD. WE ALL HAVE A VOICE AND WE ALL DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE HEARD.

In my experience, sometimes when people feel sad, angry, frustrated, isolated, or unhappy it is because they feel they have lost their voice.

If you have any questions, or would like to know more, I am happy to spend some time listening, and hearing you and any questions you might have.