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At some point in our lives STRESS is something that many of us will have experienced in some shape or form. Sometimes stress can be used positively to help energise or motivate us. On other occasions, it can have a negative impact on our lives. It is also possible to experience stress and not recognise we are stressed. By understanding stress and how to manage it we can greater understanding of how it impacts us, and when we do this can help develop the tools to manage our stress levels.

So, WHAT IS STRESS? Having done some research into this, I came across a definition on the NHS website which I think is a useful place to start.If you would like to know more behind their definition, I have included the link to their website in this post.

“Stress is the body’s reaction to feeling threatened or under pressure.”

https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/

The website goes on to mention that when stressed our body releases a hormone called adrenaline. This is often known as a fight or flight response, which means that we either run/leave a situation causing us stress or we remain in the situation and fight it.
It can often be a case that people develop a pattern of whether they choose flight or fight based on childhood experiences, life circumstances, or trauma.
Not all stress is a ‘bad’ thing sometimes it can be positive. It can motivate us, energise, and enable us through life. However, stress in its more negative form can have to impact our physical and emotional well-being, including our health, mood, relationships, behaviours, work, and experience in life.
Stress over a long period of time can lead to a huge impact on our daily lives, and overall wellbeing, and has the potential to develop into emotional exhaustion and burnout.

By understanding stress, and its impact, alongside having the tools to manage our stress, we reduce the risk of becoming burnout and exhausted.

TYPES OF STRESS:

Stress can vary from person to person, and also on the different causes of stress. However, stress appears to come under three areas.

ACUTE STRESS: This is when the body reacts to recent events, forthcoming situations, or a sudden situation arising.

EPISODIC ACUTE STRESS: When someone feels like they are always under pressure or getting things wrong.

CHRONIC STRESS: Continual stress which occurs over a period of time. This might happen as a result of stress in relationships, work, or financial issues. Chronic stress is when you are most likely to enter into a flight or fight response. Whilst experiencing chronic stress this is a period when your body and mind are more likely to be on high alert. This can have an impact on your overall health.
Some of the above information was found on the following website.
https://www.good-thinking.uk/types-stress

*There is a lot of different information online and from a variety of organisations on stress. If you are interested to know more, I have included a list of useful resources on stress at the back of this booklet.

TAKE TIME TO CONTEMPLATE: If you have experienced stress in the past or are currently experiencing stress, which type of stress do you most identify with? How has it impacted you?

DIFFERENT CAUSES OF STRESS:

• Being under pressure
• Life events such as bereavement
• Worry
• Lack of control over a situation
• Responsibilities (feeling overwhelmed)
• Lack of work/other activities
• Bullying/Abuse/Discrimination
• Financial circumstances
• Poor diet (low in nutrients and high in sugar)

HOW STRESS CAN IMPACT OUR DAILY LIVES

• Lack of Sleep
• High blood pressure
• Headaches
• Digestive issues
• Heart problems
• Skin conditions
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Feeling isolated
• Feeling stuck and unable to move forward in life

*Please note that these are just some of the ways that stress can impact our lives. The impact of stress can vary depending on the individual, and the circumstances.

TAKE TIME TO CONTEMPLATE.

! Where do you experience stress in your body

WAYS TO MANAGE AND REDUCE STRESS

• Eating healthily
• Reducing smoking/drinking
• Processed/sugary foods
• Exercise
• Getting plenty of sleep or rest
• Spending time outdoors
• Taking time out
• Doing something you enjoy
• Mindfulness
• Talking to family or friends
• Being KIND to yourself
If you need to seek professional help such as speaking to your doctor or talking therapy.

*Sometimes when we feel stressed it can cause us to feel cut off and isolated. It’s important to remember that you are not alone, it’s not unusual to feel like this. Seeking support from others whether it be people we know or professionals can play a key role in reducing and managing our stress levels.

When feeling stressed it can be helpful to find an activity that we enjoy to focus on. Doing this can help us relax and de-stress. Here are a few activities that you might find helpful.

• Going for a walk
• Baking
• Reading a book
• Doing a puzzle
• Colouring in/Drawing
• Journalling
• Gardening
• Swimming
• Listening to music
• Spending time with pets/animals

There are many different activities that can help reduce stress. Have you got any favourite ones that aren’t mentioned here?

ACTIVITY: Is it hard to imagine life without it being stressful? If you were to wake up tomorrow morning and all the stress was gone. How would life be? How would you feel what would you be doing? How would you feel? What would be different? Take time to contemplate this. It might help to write down or draw what a stress-free life would look like to you.
Once you have done this contemplate; what small steps can you take to create a life with less stress.
Sometimes Stress can take over our lives, and leave us feeling overwhelmed and disempowered. One of the key things we can do when managing stress is to recognise this is how we feel and take the power back. Once we take back control of how stress impacts our life, we can then take steps to reduce it and move forward into a happier less stressful future.
Most importantly………..

BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

© Tracy Smithers.StepbyStepCounseling.2024

Christmas can be a time of joy, excitement, and fun. It can also bring up some difficult feelings. Maybe you will be spending it with relatives you would choose not to be with, perhaps you are spending it alone, or perhaps unhappy memories of Christmases past bring up some difficult emotions for you.

This post will look at some useful coping strategies to help you navigate the festive season more easily, enabling you to manage any difficult feelings that might arise. It will also offer some techniques to manage difficult circumstances that might arise.
I often think knowledge is power, when we have the tools or knowledge to manage a situation this can enable us to handle a situation with more ease and to move forward.
As a counsellor, I often like to explore trigger points. Triggers are situations, experiences, or words that can cause us to feel or act in a certain way. They can evolve from past experiences or relationships, and we might react to them differently if we hadn’t previously been in this situation.
At Christmas or similar familiar events when we spend time with people, or in places we don’t usually this is when triggers can often more usually occur.
Finding some useful coping strategies for managing any difficult emotions that arise can be beneficial, and help us with feelings that might arise, helping us to navigate the Christmas season more easily, reduce any unwanted situations, and reduce potential triggers.
Whilst we might not be able to change others or the circumstances we are in, we can look at ways we respond to these situations and other people. In our reactions, we can have the ability to take control of a situation and defuse it.
Some situations in particular can bring up a range of emotions over the Christmas period. These might include; relationships, money worries, loneliness, health issues, being apart from loved ones, and practical arrangements.

The following coping strategies can help in reducing any stress, anxiety, or worry you might be feeling with regard to the Christmas. Whilst we can’t change others, and perhaps we aren’t always to change who we spend time with, we are able to manage our emotions and how we react to situations.

COMMUNICATION. Talking with others and gaining clarity about expectations can make a difference. We can all have a different understanding or perception of a situation, sometimes when expectations vary this can lead to communication becoming confused. Being honest with people about how you feel can help diffuse any potentially stressful situations.

SETTING CLEAR BOUNDARIES AND HAVING REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS. Sometimes Christmas can be an overwhelming time. Saying no, and being realistic about what you can commit to can help reduce any stress and pressure. This might also include setting time limits on how long you spend in certain situations. Or perhaps a financial limit.

BREATHING. If you start to feel stressed or anxious focus on your breathing. A few deep breaths in and out can help you to feel calmer.

WRITING THINGS DOWN. Sometimes when we let thoughts build up without offloading them, this can bring up different feelings which in turn can impact how we react to different situations. By writing down how we feel, can allow us to let go of any negative feelings we might be holding on to, and reduce potential triggers we might experience.

MINDFULNESS. Taking some time to be in the moment can help reduce overthinking, stress, or anxiety. Mindfulness involves focussing on being in the moment. You can do this by focussing on what sights, sounds, and smells you are experiencing at that time. Some mindful activities that can be helpful might be going for a walk, or even washing up!

However, you experience this festive season, I hope that you are able to take care of yourself, and above all BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

There is a quote by the American Psychologist Carl Rogers that has always resonated with me, it is;

“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I change”.

In the fast moving, world we live in change can happen often, and sometimes it might feel overwhelming. Changes can occur in many different ways it can be in relationships, jobs, moving home, and many other ways. Alternatively change can. Sometimes change can be sudden, sometimes it can be planne in relation to how you see a relationship or set of circumstances.

Change can sometimes be out of our own choice, and other occasions it can be enforced.

Change can be exciting and exhilarating, yet it can also be stressful, and overwhelming.

This post will offer ways to help you manage the changes you might be facing at the moment.

I often say to people you wouldn’t run a marathon without training for it, so to reduce any feelings of stress or overwhelm it can be useful to break the situation down into small pieces. When you break a situation down it can make it far less stressful and overwhelming.

As well as breaking the situation down into small manageable pieces it can also be useful to think about what is in your control, and what don’t you have control over. For example; maybe you have lost your job, and whilst you might not have control over this, you can choose what jobs you apply for next and how you go about applying for jobs. Whilst you have no control over losing the job, you have control over how you might choose to move forward.

What feelings come up for you when you think about this change? Whether it is a change you are making or a change that has been thrown on you change might bring up different feelings. It can help to spend a bit of time reflecting on your feelings and how they affect you. Sometimes it can help to write these feelings down. If you are feeling confused, overwhelmed or uncertain it can help to score out of ten which feelings are having a greater impact on you. 1 would be the least impact, and 10 the greatest impact. By doing this it can help you make sense of your feelings and help you find ways to manage these feelings. It can also be an opportunity to look at what support you might need to help you through this time of change.

When change occurs in our lives it can be an opportunity to explore thoughts and feelings maybe we hadn’t previously considered. It can encourage us to look at our relationships with others and how we view the world.

Regardless of the changes you might be facing right now, you are still you! Circumstances or relationships might have altered, however you remain the same person.

Here are some ways that can help you manage change.

1. Write down the change on a piece of paper, and then write down all the things that need to be done in order for this change to happen. When you look at these things what do you have control over, and what don’t you have control over. If you like make a list of these things. Once completed I invite you to put aside all those things that you have no control over, and look at the ones you do. With the situations you have control over how might you break this down? By reducing situations in size, or taken the enormity and power out of them, this can help make circumstances feel a lot less overwhelming and a lot more manageable.

2. Reach out to people, and seek support. It’s okay to ask for help.

3. Knowledge is power. Is there any information you need that might help you at this time. How can you get this information? Who might you ask?

4. Sometimes we all just need some reassurance that it’s going to be okay. What words do you need to hear right now. What reassurance do you need? Now I invite you to write a letter of reassurance to yourself? Words can carry power and sometimes written words can be incredibly powerful. If it’s hard to think of what you might say to yourself, what words of encouragement or support might you say to a friend.

5. Sometimes if change feels all too much it’s okay to take a break from thinking about it and spend time doing something you enjoy.

6. Be kind to yourself. However, you feel about the changes you are experiencing in your life at the moment is okay. Step by step you can find a way through the changes you currently face.

Hello my name is Tracy Smithers, welcome to my first blog post.

I am a counsellor currently based in North Cumbria, although I also offer counselling online and via telephone.
I qualified as a counsellor in 2002, and since then have counselled both privately and on a voluntary basis for different organisations including the YMCA, and University of Portsmouth Counselling Service. I have also worked as a school counsellor both in primary and secondary schools.

Perhaps you have never contemplated having counselling before. Or maybe you are looking to return to counselling having had a break from it. Either way I understand what a daunting and overwhelming task it might be. So in this post, I thought I would explain a bit about what counselling is, and finding the right counsellor for you at this time.

Firstly you might be interested to know that counselling is not a regulated profession, therefore anyone can set themselves up as a counsellor. However, for many counsellors like myself we go through an intense training process. In order to qualify as a counsellor, the standard level for professional counsellors is a minimum of at least a level 4 Diploma in Counselling with many people studying at degree or master’s level. I qualified in 2002 with an Advanced Diploma in Humanistic Counselling, and at this was usually the level of qualification reached by counsellors. However, as time has moved on counselling degrees are more widely available to study. All counselling training from a Level 4 Diploma, includes practical counselling placements which require trainees to complete a minimum of 100 supervised practical placement hours in an approved placement. In addition to this many training providers require you to have your own therapy whilst in training as a counsellor. The academic study also requires trainees to take part in regular skills practice as part of their course work. They also must complete various academic work.

Once qualified many counsellors join a professional body. These bodies require members to have a minimum of a level 4 Diploma in Counselling. Membership bodies have an ethical framework which many counsellors work within to follow an ethical and professional framework to ensure good practice. BACP (British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists), ACC (Association of Christian Counsellors), NCS (National Counselling Society), the UKCP (United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy), COSCA (Counselling and Psychotherapy in Scotland) are some of the professional bodies in the UK. I am currently a member of the BACP. I should also add at this point not all counsellors choose to become a member of a professional body; this does not always reflect on their professional practice. There are some good counsellors out there who choose not to align to a professional body for a variety of reasons. As a member of a professional body, counsellors pay to belong to that body on a yearly basis.

Something else to be aware of whilst looking for a counsellor is they counselling approach they work within. There many different types of counselling approaches; some of the ones you might have heard of are Psychodynamic, Humanistic, Person Centred, CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy), and Solution Focussed Therapy. Rather than overwhelming anyone reading this, I won’t go into detailed explanations of the different approaches I have mentioned. But will sum them up in a few words below.

Psychodynamic..this model looks at how your past experiences can form your current behaviour or experiences. This model can help you understand your behaviour, and how it affects your relationships now. This model comes from the work of Freud.

Humanistic..this model covers several different theories which include Person Pentred, Gestalt, and Existentialism. This approach looks at enabling a person reach their true potential, and focusses on a person having free will, and their self discovery.This is an area that I trained and primarily work within.

Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)..this model focusses on exploring your beliefs, thoughts, and actions. It looks at finding strategie, solutions, and coping strategies. Whilst not trained in this area, I do have experience, and draw on some elements of CBT within my work if appropriate.

Some therapists might focus on one approach, and others might work more holistically. For example; whilst I am trained as a humanistic counsellor. I have through my training and experience gained an understanding of other modalities, so depending on clients I might sometimes draw on these if it might be of benefit to my client.

It’s important that you find a counsellor that is right for you, and understand that this might seem a little daunting. What I say to the people I speak to is that you know yourself better than anyone else, and that the counselling process is very much about YOU!

In order to help you find the counsellor that is right for you, here are some points that you might like to consider.

1. What do you want to gain from counselling? Or what support do you need? If you don’t know that’s absolutely okay. However, if you do this can help you decide what to look for in a counsellor.
2. Look out for how much training/experience a counsellor has. Also are they a member of a professional body?
3. Are you looking for face to face appointments, or are online/telephone appointments an option?
4. The cost involved. Usually, most therapists will charge between £35 and £65 per appointment. I currently charge £45. The cost not only covers a counsellors time and skills it also covers insurance, professional body membership, room rental and other requirements.
5. Once you have identified a potential counsellor it can be useful to have a chat with them, or meet with them for an initial appointment first of all. This can be helpful with deciding if they are the right counsellor for you. With all new clients, I suggest an initial appointment where we can meet and discuss how I might best support them. It is also an opportunity for them to decide if they would like to work with me further. As someone who has had counselling myself, I understand how important it is to have a good connection with a counsellor who will support you, in a safe environment.

So finally you might have defined what type of counsellor you are looking for, where do you find one! Here are some of the place’s counsellors might advertise.

1. If counsellors are members of a professional body like the BACP, ACC, NCS, UKCP, and COSCA they are often listed on the organisation’s listings page
2. Counselling Directory, is a really great website that carries listings of many different types of counsellors from a range of backgrounds, belonging to a variety of membership body’s. This will give more of a cross section of people within your geographical area.
3. Doctor’s surgeries can have lists of counsellors, or might have one that works alongside their practice.
4. Health Food or other local shops might have adverts.
5. Local parish magazines, or newsletters.
6. Local mental health charities
7. Google

I hope that this information helps you in your search for a counsellor. One thing that I might add is that no matter how many qualifications a counsellor has, their experience is also equally valuable. Also, perhaps even more valuable is the professional connection you develop with your counsellor. Taking that first step is not always easy, however it can be the beginning to a brighter more positive future. I wish you well in seeking the support you need and deserve currently.

PLEASE NOTES EVERYTHING I HAVE WRITTEN IN MY BLOG IS FOR INFORMATION PURPOSES ONLY, AND IS BASED ON MY EXPERIENCES IN MY OWN WORDS. I AM ONLY HUMAN AND FROM TIME TO TIME I MAKE ERRORS. I ENCOURAGE YOU TO DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH, AND SHOULD YOU HAVE ANY HEALTH CONCERNS SEEK ADVICE FROM A GP FIRST.