Category: Uncategorized

 

 

 

If you have been drawn to reading this post, you might have harmed yourself in the past, or maybe you are thinking about doing so. Or perhaps someone you know has disclosed that they are harming themselves. However, this post finds you, I hope you find this BLOG of some support at this time.

If you are unsure of what self-harm actually is the NHS website (www.nhs.uk) describes it as this.

‘Self-harm when somebody intentionally damages or injures the body’

 

Each person’s process of self-harm will be different. Here are a few ways that people might self-harm themselves.

 

• Cutting
• Biting/Burning/Picking skin
• Not eating
• Drugs/Alcohol
• Risk taking behaviour
• Over exercising
• Hitting walls

 

Everyone’s experience of self-harm will be different. There can be many reasons a person might choose to harm themselves. From my experience of supporting those who self-harm one of the key factors that seems apparent is that; self-harm can be a way of expressing themselves and releasing built up emotions.

There is nothing wrong with finding a way to express emotions.  Everyone needs to feel that they can express themselves freely and safely. If you know someone who is self-harming it is important that they are not judged, and experience being supported and understood.

If you are currently self-harming, I would like to say, I am sorry that you are struggling right now. Life can be tough and challenging at times.

There is support out there to enable you to release and let go of any thoughts or feelings that might be leading you to self-harm. There is NOTHING to feel guilty, ashamed or bad about. Your feelings are valid and important.  Self-harming over a period of time can have an impact on your physical health and increase a person`s mental/emotional distress. It is important to find a way to release anything you are struggling with safely and receive the care and support you are worthy and deserving of.  Do you have someone you can talk to in confidence who will not judge you?

Self-disclosure of self-harm from a person can lead to feelings of worry, concern, anxiety. Whilst these feelings are normal it is important that the person who has shared this with you feels supported, understood, and not judged.

There are many reasons that people self-harm. Everyone’s reasons for self-harming will be different.  Some of the reasons people might self-harm are:

 

• Stress
• Bullying
• Losing their job
• Pressure
• Feeling overwhelmed
• Abuse
• Feeling unable to cope with life
• Low self esteem
• Loneliness
• Grief

 

Here are some ways that can help you release any negative emotions or unpleasant feelings.

 

• Talk to someone. Whilst this might sound difficult, sometimes reaching out to someone you trust and telling them what’s happening, can help you gain the support you need at this time.

 

• Write things down. If you don’t feel able to talk to someone, writing things down, or drawing how you feel can help you release whatever is leading you to harm yourself. Sometimes doing this can help you release any unwanted thoughts and feelings you might have. Once these are out of your head this can enable you to make sense of what is going on for you, enabling you to find ways to move forward in life, and reach out for the support you need.

 

• Sometimes, rather than acting on your feelings to harm yourself, doing something else can reduce your need to self-harm. There are many different types of distractions you can use, for instance, going for a walk, listening to some music, writing your thoughts down, making yourself a tea or coffee, or calling a friend. Or maybe even writing a list of different distraction techniques!

 

•  Tapping your fingers together. This might sound a bit strange, but tapping your fingers together can really help with managing different feelings and thoughts. Tapping, also known as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) is a well-known method which can help with a variety of different feelings.
• Wearing an elastic band and twisting it every time you feel you need to release any emotion or tension.
• Try focussing on your breathing. It sounds simple, but these can be really helpful in regulating and managing different emotions.

 

GUIDANCE FOR FAMILY AND FRIENDS:

It is really important that your family member or loved one feels supported rather than judged. You might be worried, concerned, or maybe fearful. Maybe you have a lot of questions. But, it is really important that the person you are supporting isn’t rushed or pressured to speak until they are ready, and when they do that they do this at there own pace.

At this point, I want to clarify that the act of self harm is NOT the same as wanting to attempt suicide. If at any point you are concerned that someone is at risk of suicide, it is vital that you contact emergency services.

 Listening, and allowing the person you are supporting to talk through things with you in a safe environment is the most important thing you can do for someone. It is possible that they might feel a variety of different emotions fear, guilt, shame, embarrassment, anger, or something else. But enabling them a place to release, let go of these emotions, and offload them can be the very first step to recover.

Here are a few simple questions that might help you in supporting your loved one.

 

How can I best support you now?

 

What can I do to help you through this?

 

What do you need from me right now?

 

• When someone discloses something like this it can take a lot of courage and be an incredibly brave step. I think words can be very powerful. It is important when someone shares something like this that these words are honoured.  When I work with people who share deeply personal things such as self-harming, I thank them for sharing with me the information.  I encourage you to thank them for sharing the information they have, if this feels appropriate for you.

 

• Encourage your loved one to seek professional help from a doctor, medical professional or a therapist/counsellor.

 

Here are some places you can find further support

 

NHS..https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/behaviours/self-harm/getting-help/

UK Leading Self Harm Charity.. SIFT. https://sift.org.uk/

Harmless..Self Harm and Suicide Prevention Charity.. https://harmless.org.uk/

Battle Scars Charity.. https://www.battle-scars-self-harm.org.uk/

Samaritans.. https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/self-harm/

 

I hope this post has offered you something that might help you at this time. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I always say that knowledge is power.  The more information the greater the benefit, enabling people to heal, recover, moving forward, being able to live a happier life that they are worthy and deserving of. Sometimes it can seem like there isn’t a way through the dark difficult stuff in life. In my experience even at the end of the longest and darkest of tunnels there is a glimmer of light. Sometimes reaching out, talking to just one person can make a difference. It might seem like you are alone. Life for many people can be a struggle. No matter how dark and bleak life might appear, there is someone wanting to help, support, cheer you on.

 

NOTE: PLEASE BE AWARE THAT THIS POST IS FOR ADVICE AND GUIDANCE. I AM A COUNSELLOR WITH OVER 25 YEARS EXPERIENCED AND I HAVE SUPPORTED MANY PEOPLE WHO SELF HARM.  I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. IF YOU OR ANYONE YOU KNOW HAS SUCIDAL THOUGHTS IS TALKING ABOUT ACTING ON THESE, IT IS VITAL THAT YOU ENCOURAGE THEM TO CONTACT THEIR DOCTOR OR THE EMERGENCY SERVICES

.

 

 Image copyright. Tracy Smithers.2026

 

 

WHAT IS SELF CARE AND WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

 

Have you heard the term SELF CARE and aren’t quite sure what it means? Or perhaps when you hear the term SELF CARE, your thoughts are, I don’t have time to care for myself right now. I have too many responsibilities and people to care for.

Or perhaps you believe that SELF CARE is selfish and an excuse to be lazy! I invite you to take some time to read this post.

I am writing this post not just as a counsellor, but also based on my own experience.  I would like to start with sharing some experiences of how a lack of SELF CARE can impact you and your life if your SELF CARE needs are neglected.

These are my experiences, and everyone is different, so I am not suggesting that if you do not demonstrate SELF CARE it will impact you the way it did me. Equally if there are days when you ‘forget’ to practise SELF CARE it’s going to have a detrimental impact on your life. This example is to demonstrate if over a period of time your own SELF CARE needs are neglected it can impact your life.

Finding a balance hasn’t always been my strong point, although I am getting better at it! Twice in my life, I have had M.E also known as Chronic Fatigue. The first time I was around 14 years old, at a time when very little was known about it. Later, when I was 28, having been better for about 10 years, I came crashing down with it again. Whilst everyone will have a different experience of this, one of the reasons behind this is a belief that those with M.E/Chronic Fatigue reach a point of burnout and exhaustion, partly from lack of self care. My experiences of having M.E impacted my life in many ways. I missed a lot of schooling, didn’t work, and I missed out on a lot of different life opportunities.

Over the years, I have heard many people make comments about people being tired all the time, and some have even mentioned laziness in reference to M.E/Chronic Fatigue. As someone who has experienced this illness twice, I understand the challenges those who experience this or similar illnesses face.

Far from being lazy, what I think is common regarding those living with M.E/Chronic Fatigue is they can be hard working, perfectionists, who place undue pressure on themselves and push themselves to BURN OUT. So what has M.E/Chronic Fatigue got to do with SELF CARE.

It is my belief, both professionally and personally, that illnesses like M.E/Chronic Fatigue can be partly impacted when we neglect our own SELF CARE. I would like to clarify at this point that there are many contributing factors to M.E/Chronic Fatigue, and I know that SELF CARE isn’t the only thing that impacts this. However, by practising SELF CARE, this can make a difference to our health, which in turn can benefit us in all areas of our lives

 

WHAT IS SELF CARE?

Self care is ensuring that you take steps to ensure that your physical, mental, emotional, social, and spiritual wellbeing is protected, cared for, maintained and nurtured. By actively practising and ensuring your SELF CARE needs are met you will be better placed to be able to manage life, responsibilities, and relationships.

SELF CARE can enable you to re charge your batteries and make sure you are physically, mentally, and emotionally fit and energised to manage life, day to day responsibilities, and relationships.

 

DIFFERENT ASPECTS OF SELF CARE.

SELF CARE isn’t just taking care of one thing. It is about ensuring a range of different aspects are taken care of.  Just as a car needs a range of things to operate to be able to drive it, we need different aspects of things to operate fully for us to work smoothly

Some aspects to consider when thinking about SELF CARE are the following

 

PHYSICAL SELF CARE.

Sleep/Rest

A balanced diet

Drink plenty of water

Being active

Fresh Air

Are the environments you spend time in safe and healthy?

 

MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL

How do you manage stress, worries, and anxiety?

Who are your SUPPORT NETWORKS? Who can you talk to when life feels too much? Who can you ask for help when you need it?

Relationships. Are you being treated lovingly and respectfully?

WORK LIFE BALANCE. Do you have a good work-life balance? Are work responsibilities or other responsibilities impacting your ability to practise SELF CARE.

Mindfulness

Setting BOUNDARIES

Writing things down/Journaling

 

SOCIAL/SPIRITUAL SELF CARE.

Taking time to reflect/meditate. Giving yourself some head space

Spending time with loved ones

Social groups or spending time within the local community

 

PRACTICAL SELF CARE.(By ensuring you take practical steps to ensure your needs are met will reduce any potential stress and anxiety in the future.)

Ensuring you seek medical advice/support if you require it (Sometimes seeking medical support isn’t easy; however, it is important you do so if you have any concerns.)

Managing your physical environment. Is it comfortable/safe? Does it enable you to actively practice SELF CARE

Managing finances

 

SELF CARE is a very personal thing. There is no right or wrong way to do it. We are all different, and as I say to my clients, YOU KNOW YOURSELF BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. The key to good SELF CARE, is doing it rather than IGNORING IT. As long as you are doing some SELF CARE for yourself, that is the most important thing. SELF CARE is an important part of life. However, there is no perfect way to do it, just what’s right for you at the time.

I am the first to admit, I don’t always do as much as I could, but I keep working on it. I am a big believer that mind and body go together, and when I start feeling tired and overwhelmed, and sometimes a bit emotional, I know I need some SELF CARE.

One of the things about SELF CARE, I have come to realise, is that it’s not just about doing it, it’s about recognising when YOU DO NEED IT!

 

 

 

 

 

STAR TIP!

• Make up a self care study jar! Write down on pieces of paper what revision you need to do. For example, 30 minutes of Maths, 30 minutes of English. Then write down on different pieces of paper, treats and rewards that are going to help you. For example, a bar of chocolate, a bath, watch a film, or speak to a friend.
  Once you have written these down, fold each piece of paper up like raffle tickets and put them in a jar or box. Each day or week, you can change what you put in. This can be a really FUN way to revise, which means you get all your study done, PLUS get to relax and have fun along the way. All you need to do is make sure you put everything you need to study and some fun stuff to help you along the way.

 

TOP TIPS..

• Prepare early
• Ask someone for help
• Make up flashcards to help you
• Ask someone to be your study buddy
• Manage your time
• If you have worries or concerns talk to someone about them
• Take regular breaks when studying (every 30 minutes – an hour)
• Get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk
• Drink water
• Eating regular meals
• Focus on breathing
• Get plenty of sleep
• Write down all your worries
• Tap your thumb and index finger together. This can help you feel more calm
• Squeezing stress balls or putty can help you. If you don’t have these playdough works well too
• Listen to some relaxing music
• Don’t compare your experience or results to others. Everyone is different. We all learn at a different pace and have different learning styles

ON THE DAY..

• Make sure you get your bag and everything you need ready the day before
  Get up in plenty of time
  Have breakfast and a drink
  Remember to breathe! Focusing on your breathing can help you to stay calm
  Tapping your fingers together can also be a really useful calming technique
  If you can go for a walk and get some fresh air beforehand
• Focus on reading the question and any information you need to. If it helps read through all the exam questions before you start. This will help you decide how much time you need need to spend on each question. Even if you aren’t sure on a question, putting any answer down is better than no answer at all! Perhaps what you share might be the information the examiner is looking for. I have lost count of the times I thought something was wrong or wasn’t good when it’s actually been correct or good. 

 

AFTER THE EXAM..

Congratulations on finishing the exam.

Forget about the exam for now if you can! You have done the best you can.

Well done. Now take some time to relax, and if you need to prepare for the next one.

 

 

TOP TIPS FOR SUPPORTING YOUR CHILD’S TRANSITION FROM YEAR 6 TO YEAR 7

 

The school transition from Primary school to Secondary school can be a big change for many children. Although for some it might be a time of great excitement, with children looking forward to making new friends, learning new things, and becoming more independent. It can also raise worries, concerns, and cause anxiety. Supporting children as they prepare to change schools can help reduce any worries and concerns they might have beforehand, help put some support networks in place, and identify some coping strategies that might support them.

Checking in with your child to see how they feel and openly communicating with them can help with this. Below are some questions that can help when discussing the move to a different school with your child.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOUR CHILD

1. What 3 things do they like about school?
2. What 3 things don’t they like at school?
3. What 3 things are they looking forward to about starting secondary?
4. Is there anything they will miss about primary school?
5. Is there anything they aren’t looking forward to you? If so, what aren’t they looking forward to?
6. Have they got any worries about going to secondary school? If so, what are they?
7. What will help them before and after the move to Secondary.

SOME OTHER POINTS THAT CAN BE HELPFUL TO CONSIDER WHEN DISCUSSING THE MOVE WITH YOUR CHILD.

• How will they travel to their new school?
• Will they have school lunches?
• What do they know about their new school?
• What will they need? It’s also useful to ask what your child thinks they will need.
• Will your child know anyone going to the same school? Is there an opportunity to meet some people going to the school before September?

 

• Starting conversations early on and talking to your child about how they might be feeling about the change is important. Change can bring up all sorts of emotions, and even though children might not always verbalise them, they might be feeling them.
• Talking through the practical issues, such as how they will be travelling to their new school, lunch arrangements, and what equipment they will need to take with them, can be really helpful. Sometimes just having all the practical things in place can alleviate some worries or concerns, which reduces anxiety.
• Speak to your child’s primary school to see how they support your child’s transition to secondary school. Do they have move up days arranged with your child’s new school? If not, will there be the opportunity for your child to visit before they move up?
• If your child struggles with expressing their emotions, writing down their feelings, or just drawing a picture can help with this.

Whilst preparation for the move to secondary school is important, it’s also important to find a balance and ensure your child has the opportunity to relax and have fun during the transition process. With changes, there can be a lot of different things to process. Change can signal endings and beginnings at the same time. This can be overwhelming. Ensuring children feel supported and reducing any amount of overwhelm is another important factor in reducing anxiety.
The move from Year 6 to Year 7 brings a move from a small school with perhaps one or two teachers to a much larger school with many teachers for different subjects within a larger environment. This can be a big change as it will encourage children to become increasingly independent, increase social interaction, and manage practicalities such as moving from class to class and managing homework. It can be a bit like starting a new job as an adult! Lots of information to process, names to learn, and a new environment to find your way around.

The more support you can put in place for your child before the school transition, will boost their emotional wellbeing and resilience, ensuring they have some solid foundations in place for this important stage in their life.

Whilst supporting your child during this time is important, I am aware that this is also an important time for all parents. So, I would invite you to think about what support you need during this time, and what emotions are coming up for you. When you can take some time for yourself as well.

As well as being a counsellor, I have over thirty years of experience of working with children as a Youth Worker and Nursery Nurse. I have run school transition projects supporting children through the year 6 to 7 transition and have experience of supporting children through this important transition.

I offer 1-1 to children to help with this transition. If you feel this might be of help for your child, please get in touch to discuss how I might be able to support your child.

Wishing you and your child all the very best as you navigate this time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How many of you have ever felt anxious? Anxiety can come in many different forms and at differing levels of intensity.

I have myself experienced anxiety in varying forms, and I am aware just how debilitating it can be. Not just debilitating but all-consuming it can be, impacting many areas of our lives. It can, in fact, end up controlling every area of our lives our work, and our relationships. Sometimes it can come out of nowhere, sometimes it starts building up over time. Sometimes it can make sense, and perhaps sometimes it can make sense at all to us.
Anxiety can also be linked to stress or panic. However, I am aware that this isn’t always the case. In this post, I would like to focus solely on anxiety. If you would like to know more about ways to manage stress or panic attacks, you might like to take a look at my other two posts on both stress and panic attacks.

Anxiety can be overwhelming and lead us to feel fearful, worried, or scared, which can add to the impact and severity. Something I often say to my clients is;

‘How can you take the power back with this?’

Once we are able to take an element of power back in the situation, we can start to feel more in control. By doing so, we are then in control of the anxiety rather than the anxiety controlling us. I understand this might sound easier said than done; however, in my experience, the moment we take just one small step to reclaim our power, this can help with managing anxiety.

Perhaps you don’t know why you are feeling anxious. Maybe there is more than one reason why you are feeling anxious. Your feelings of anxiety are personal to you, and however you are experiencing anxiety, your feelings are valid and important.

In this post, I would like to share some coping strategies that can help you manage your feelings of anxiety. These are coping strategies that I use myself and with clients that have found beneficial. However, just as your anxiety is unique to you, different coping strategies will suit different people, and these coping strategies are designed to help and support you, rather than to increase anxiety if it doesn’t work for you.

1. One of the first things I want to invite you to do is to STOP, take a breath, and above all BE KIND TO YOURSELF.

2. FOCUS on your BREATHING. Take deep 3 breaths in and breathe out. When you breathe out, imagine or visualise all the anxiety, tension, stress, or worry being released from your body.

3. BE AWARE of your environment. WHERE ARE YOU? How would you DESCRIBE your location? WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE? HOW ARE ARE YOU FEELING? ARE THERE ANY SMELLS, SOUNDS, PEOPLE, OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU NOTICE? How do you feel about this environment? Would anything help you feel safer or more comfortable? If so, what would help you feel less anxious right now? Can you make any adjustments to help you? Or do anything differently? Alternatively, is there anyone you can ask for help or support with your anxiety at the moment?

4. MOVE. Sometimes, shifting our body position or location. Or making some other change can help greatly with our anxiety. GOING FOR A WALK, RUN, SWIM, EVEN DANCING, CAN HELP.

5. MUSIC AND SOUND. If moving or being active isn’t possible, music and sound can help reduce anxiety. Perhaps you might have a favourite song that helps. If you prefer something more relaxing and calming, there are many different ones available to listen to or download.

6. DISTRACTIONS can be really helpful. Whilst I understand that distractions might not always help when feeling anxious, they can sometimes help, particularly when the feelings of anxiety begin. Distractions can help prevent anxiety from spiralling and increasing. Everyone has different ways of distracting themselves. There is no right or wrong way. Some of the ones I find helpful are painting, drawing, baking, gardening, reading, or going for a walk.

7. TALKING TO SOMEONE. ANXIETY isn’t uncommon. Whilst it might seem that you are the only one experiencing it, many people experience anxiety, and in different forms. Whilst your anxiety is personal to you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE in finding ways to navigate it. Sometimes talking to someone can really help, and people might be more understanding and supportive than you might imagine. You might be surprised to learn that I myself have experienced anxiety, and there are times when I still do. Some of the techniques and strategies I am sharing are ones I have used myself.

8. REST AND SLEEP when you can. EARLY NIGHTS CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

9. DRINK PLENTY OF WATER.

10. FOOD AND DRINK. ALCOHOL, CAFFEINE, SUGAR, and SOME other food items can increase symptoms of anxiety. EATING A BALANCED DIET can make a difference to anxiety levels.

11. BE AWARE OF WHAT MIGHT TRIGGER YOUR ANXIETY? ARE THERE ANY SITUATIONS THAT INCREASE IT? Social media, video games, television, music and news items can impact our ANXIETY.

12. BE AWARE OF WHAT YOUR BODY IS ABSORBING, and how it might be impacting your anxiety levels. ARE YOU SPENDING TOO MUCH TIME WATCHING SOCIAL MEDIA/TELEVISION/OR PLAYING GAMES? OR ARE YOU EATING LOTS OF JUNK FOOD? ARE YOU MIXING WITH PEOPLE WHO INCREASE YOUR ANXIETY?

13. If you feel able to, WRITE A LETTER to your anxiety. I know this might sound a little strange, but it CAN WORK. Say whatever it is you would like to tell them. HOW are they making you FEEL? HOW are they IMPACTING YOUR LIFE? WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE THEM TO DO? There is NO right or wrong with this letter. It’s an opportunity for YOU to really TELL the anxiety WHAT you think of them, and how it IMPACTS your life? Once you have done this, and if you choose to do so, you can either burn or bin the letter.

14. THOUGHT STORMING all the words that you associate with your feelings of ANXIETY can also help. Putting any thoughts, words, feelings or anything you associate with how you are feeling can make a difference. WHEN you have done this, take a look at your list, and IDENTIFY which things CAUSE you the most ANXIETY? Out of those things, is there anything YOU CAN CHANGE, OR SEEK SUPPORT WITH? IF SO, WHAT CAN YOU DO, AND WHO CAN YOU SEEK SUPPORT FROM? WHAT WOULD HELP YOU FEEL LESS ANXIOUS?

15. SOMETIMES IT CAN HELP TO DESCRIBE YOUR ANXIETY. Does it have a shape, a colour, a texture, a smell or a sound? If so, how does it feel to you? (Sometimes it can help to write this down or draw it.) Once you have completed this, if you would like to, you can burn or bin the paper.

Anxiety can become all-consuming it can control and dominate our lives. It can be controlling, overwhelming, limiting, disabling, and terrifying. Sometimes it doesn’t make any sense. BUT, in my experience, when can find the courage to TAKE CONTROL OF OUR ANXIETY, this can help us REDUCE THE IMPACT ANXIETY HAS ON OUR LIVES. Going back to the beginning of this post, when I mentioned asking people, HOW CAN YOU TAKE THE POWER BACK?

I invite you to consider this. EVERYTHING in life STARTS when we PLANT A SEED, OR TAKE A FIRST STEP. WHAT WILL YOURS BE?

How many of you have ever had thoughts like the following ones?
I would like to do that BUT I might not be very good at it.
I would like to do that BUT what if I fail
I would like to try this BUT X said it wouldn’t work for me?
I would like to have done this BUT when I was at school I wasn’t very good at this type of thing.
I would like to do this BUT I’m always rubbish at this sort of thing.

These thoughts or similar ones be known as LIMITING BELIEFS. These thoughts of beliefs might relate to something we wish to do for ourselves, within a relationship, socially, in a work setting, or another environment. In fact they can hold us back from ACHIEVING, OUR DREAMS, GOALS, OR AMBITIONS.

How many of you have ever felt held back, or restricted from doing something as a result of a LIMITING BELIEF? Within this blog post, I wanted to explore our self belief systems and the beliefs that limit us and hold us back.
SELF BELIEF is basically how we view ourselves.

How we see ourself, and our self belief systems start developing in childhood and can evolve over time. It can be based on our relationships, experiences, social situations, work experiences and many different factors.

The beliefs that we hold can empower us equally; they can limit us. Our SELF BELIEF can impact our lives and relationships in a variety of ways.

These beliefs can determine many of our life situations , whether it be relationships, home life, or work these limiting beliefs can negatively impact on us and hold us back. Whilst they might have at times got us through life, they can hinder our ability to grow and blossom. LIMITING BELIEFS come from on what we tell ourselves, what others have told us, and also based on our experience of a certain situation or relationships.

These LIMITING BELIEFS can have an impact on our self confidence and self esteem. They can also devalue the person we are.

LIMITING BELIEFS can evolve through no fault of our own, and quite often it’s possible to not recognise them. However, when we do recognise them, we do have the ability to break those limiting beliefs down, and free ourselves up, enabling us to move forward and achieve all that we wish to in life. What was once might have been seen as a weakness can become a strength.

So, how can we CHANGE AND BREAK FREE from those LIMITING BELIEFS, and the restrictions they place on US?

 IDENTIFY key words or phrases that you use with yourself or others that are LIMITING YOU?

ASK YOURSELF, is that a FACT, or a THOUGHT or an OPINION?

THOUGHT STORM..One way you CAN identify is limiting beliefs is to THOUGHT STORM THEM . You can do this by writing down on a piece of paper all those thoughts or messages that you say to yourself . Then all those things that others have ever told you, which might contribute to your limiting beliefs. For example, has anyone ever said to you, You can’t do that, or You wont manage it? If so, these are limiting beliefs and over a period of time the messages we hear from others can become our own language too.

Once you have THOUGHT STORMED the beliefs/thoughts that LIMIT YOU, it can help to rate them between 1 and 10 to identify which of the LIMITING BELIEFS you have, are having the greatest impact on you.By IDENTIFYING what our LIMITING BELIEFS are, this will enable us to CHANGE them if we choose to do so. Whilst the thought of this might seem overwhelming, IDENTIFYING LIMITING BELIEFS, along with a willingness to CHANGE them, can be both ENABLING AND EMPOWERING.

RECOGNISING LIMITING BELIEFS and the impact they have can ENABLE us to be AWARE of our own SELF TALK. For instance, rather than immediately saying I CAN’T DO THAT, how might it be to REPHRASE this to ‘I’M NOT SURE HOW I WOULD DO THAT, BUT I WOULD BE INTERESTED HOW I MIGHT, WHAT COULD I DO THAT MIGHT HELP ME GET THERE.’

LETTING GO OF LIMITING BELIEFS can be key in helping us move forward in life. One way YOU CAN DO this is by writing/or drawing all those limiting beliefs you hold onto about yourself. THEN if you feel it is appropriate either bin them, or burn them (safely). Watch your language. Be aware of how you speak to yourself? How many of you ever say, I would like to do this BUT, I can’t! Yes, I know that there can often be very practical reasons as to why you CAN’T . However, how many times do you say CAN’T or NO when you could be saying YES, I CAN! Speaking from my own experience, I know that there have often been occasions when I haven’t put myself out there, or taken up an opportunity because it’s safer to hide away and not put myself out there. What about you?

CHANGE THE MESSAGES WHICH breaking down long held beliefs can be scary, and absolutely terrifying. However, I would invite you to consider; is fear holding you back because the thought of making changes to your life is too hard, or difficult. Or is it actually unsafe to make a change?

NOW, consider what CHANGES you would like to make to your belief systems. This can take time, and there is never a limit to CHANGE. So, I invite you to take time to consider which; aspects of your life where limiting beliefs have impacted you, would you like to CHANGE?

WHAT 3 THINGS CAN YOU DO TO CREATE THOSE CHANGES?

When considering LIMITING BELIEFS , it is important to remember that these beliefs have evolved overtime, through relationships, social situations, and a variety of circumstances. Therefore, they can take time to CHANGE, however with a new knowledge and awareness, YOU have the ability to make these CHANGES, to set yourself FREE from old thought patterns and beliefs that have previously held you back.VALUING YOURSELF..Choosing to re evaluate your belief systems, and letting go of beliefs is a way of VALUING and LOVING YOURSELF. This can be nurturing us and enable us to GROW. Some ways which can HELP YOU whilst exploring YOUR BELIEF SYSTEMS, and those beliefs that are LIMITING YOU are:

So, how can we change those limiting beliefs, and break free from the ones that hold us back?

Giving yourself time and space contemplate your beliefs or thoughts and which ones might LIMIT YOU.

Writing things down/Drawing/Doodling/Journaling

Practicing Mindfulness

Going for a walk/Spending time outside

Talking positively to yourself/Praising and congratulating yourself on your achievements

Looking at what 3 THINGS YOU CAN CHANGE

Looking at WHAT 3 THINGS YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE

Talk to someone

Try something new THEN recognise HOW you felt when you did this

FINALLY, I would like to invite you to CONSIDER the following..

HOW WOULD LIFE BE FOR YOU, IF YOU WERE FREE FROM ALL THOSE LIMITING BELIEFS THAT YOU CURRENTLY HAVE?

WHAT would life LOOK like?

WHAT would life FEEL like?

WHAT would you be DOING that you aren’t doing at the moment?

HOW would life be DIFFERENT FOR YOU without the LIMITING BELIEFS that you currently hold onto?

Before, I finish this post, I wanted to share with you something I often say to my clients. Everything starts with one small step, or planting the seeds of CHANGE. We ALL HAVE the ability to CREATE CHANGE. I wish you all well as you navigate any changes which you might be contemplate. Take care.

 

 

 

 

Within our lives, we develop many different relationships whether family, romantic partners, friendships, work, acquaintances, or other kinds. Whilst relationships can be a source of love, fun, pleasure, enjoyment, and they can influence our lives in many other positive and rewarding ways. They can also be difficult, stressful, awkward, traumatic, abusive and impact our lives in ways which are less positive.

One of the areas I work as a counsellor is with relationship issues, and something I always say to people is we can’t change others, we can’t fix others, and we can’t make others do anything. I understand this can be frustrating at times. I’ve been there. HOWEVER, whilst we are unable to change others, WE do have power to make incredible CHANGE, and when we create changes in our lives, these changes can filter out and have the potential to create positive change in some of our relationships. Not only this but they also provide us an opportunity to decide if perhaps it’s time to walk away from relationships which might have a negative impact on us and our lives.
So, what CAN WE DO to help improve our relationships? Below, I share some ways which can help you improve and create more positive and emotionally healthier relationships.

COMMUNICATION TALKING THINGS OUT:

As simple as it sounds, I am aware that communicating can be challenging and difficult at times. Yet, this is so important. If we don’t communicate emotions build up and can lead to anger, resentment, confusion bitterness and frustration. This can also have a negative impact on relationships and even leading sometimes to a relationship breakdown at times.

I appreciate that talking face to face with someone can be daunting, scary, intimidating, and stressful. Even if you don’t feel able to speak to the person directly, I invite you to write things down. I often talk to people about writing letters you don’t send, and these can be a really useful tool. Essentially, you write a letter to someone expressing your thoughts or feelings BUT, you don’t send it. Instead you can destroy it in a way that you feel most comfortable. This is a great opportunity to release and let go of all the STUFF you are feeling without doing this directly. It can be very freeing.

LISTENING/COOLING OFF PERIOD/TAKING TIME OUT:

Taking the time to listen is so important. Whilst it’s not always easy to do and might at times be triggering. Allowing someone the time and space can be a really important aspect of communication within relationships. Listening to people DOESN’T mean that you HAVE to agree with them, or do what they say. BUT it can be of great benefit, because by listening to others we gain the information WE need, and a greater understanding of the situation. HOWEVER, I would add to this that we all are DESERVING AND WORTHY OF BEING TREATED WITH RESPECT AND TO FEEL SAFE.
In these situations, it’s absolutely okay to take some time out and have a cooling off, or thinking time. It’s okay to say, I need 5 minutes, or I will get back to you on that one.

SETTING BOUNDARIES:

Boundary setting in relationships can be tricky. It can be hard to set boundaries. However, they can be really beneficial. Sometimes, in relationships when boundaries are pushed or challenged then this is can have an impact on relationships. Communication can really help with this. I would invite you to consider your own boundaries. Are you comfortable with the ones you have in place? Or is there anyone who pushes your boundaries and you can’t say NO too. I would invite you to consider what might help you with this. Are there conversations you would like to have with people but you aren’t sure what to say? I get that! What I would invite you to consider is; what would you like the outcome to be? What can you change? What can’t you change? How can you communicate with the person involved that will enable you to gain the outcome you would like?

When I talk about boundaries, sometimes it’s not always about the bigger things, sometimes it’s about the smaller things too. Is there a household job, or work task people automatically assume you will do?! How do you feel about this? Do you feel a little resentful, or taking for granted? If so, what might help with this?

BEING AWARE OF HOW YOU SPEAK TO OTHERS:

This is a really key point of communication. It’s not always WHAT is said, it is often about HOW it is said. Language has the ability to empower, but it always has the ability to disempower. It can enable us to be heard and have our needs met. However, I’m not sure about you but if I am spoken to in a unpleasantly, rudely, or aggressively but I switch off. So the language we use is key to good communication. When I was training as a counsellor, one of the things I was taught was the importance of using I statements instead of YOU when addressing someone.

For instance;
‘YOU WERE LATE, IT’S YOUR FAULT WE WON’T GET THERE IN TIME. I’M SO ANGRY WITH YOU’

If someone spoke to you in that way, how might you feel? However, if someone said to you.

‘I AM FEELING FRUSTRATED AND ANGRY ABOUT YOUR THAT YOU TURNED UP LATE, AND THAT WE WONT GET THERE ON TIME’

I remember a few years ago, I went to the hairdressers, and there had been a mix up with appointment times. The hairdressers first words to me were. ‘AND YOU’RE LATE’. I felt uncomfortable, attacked and didn’t enjoy my hair appointment. Because, being me, I didn’t want to be rude and walk out of the salon. What had actually happened was, the salon owner hadn’t told the girl doing my hair that they had re arranged the appointment time, and I was actually on time.

SPEAK TO SOMEONE ELSE:

Offloading and speaking to someone else if you are struggling with relationships can be really helpful. It can provide a space to let go of any negative emotions. A source of support. It’s also an opportunity to sometimes see things from a different perspective.

DEVELOP SOME COPING STRATEGIES TO MANAGE ANY FEELINGS THAT CAN HAVE A NEGATIVE IMPACT ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH.

There are many useful tools out there that can help with this. There are some FREE PDF DOWNLOADS ON THIS SITE WHICH CAN HELP YOU.

RECOGNISE AND RESPECT PEOPLE’S PERSONAL SPACE.

Sometimes we all just need some space whether it be physical or head space. This allows either us or other involved the chance to process and reflect on aspects of the relationship that might be having an impact.

SEEK HELP FROM A THIRD PARTY.

Sometimes seeking help from someone else regarding the situation can be really help. Perhaps another family member, friend, or colleague. Alternatively through mediation, counselling, or support at work. This can offer the chance to an independent third party who might offer a different perspective or of ways to improve the relationship.

BE AWARE THAT NOT EVERYONE WILL HAVE THE SAME PERSPECTIVE OR DO THINGS THE SAME WAY.

Whilst there are things we can do to help improve our relationships, there might be times when for a number of reasons, it can feel that no matter what we do, which the relationship is having a serious impact on our mental health, and that the kindest thing we can do for yourself is walk away from it. I understand that this isn’t always an easy thing to do. However, sometimes to ensure our safety, and to take care of our health and wellbeing it’s the only thing we can do. Going back to what I said previously, whilst we can change what we do and looking to make improvements.

Relationships involve others too, and if the behaviour or situation of a relationship is impacting you negatively, I invite you to consider is this the right relationship or situation to be in at this point in time.

The summer period can be a difficult one for many children. For younger ones, it might be the prospect of starting a much bigger school and the changes that this will bring. For older children, it might mean starting uni, college, or a new job.

These changes can be unsettling and bring up a range of different emotions for children and young people. As a parent, I can understand that sitting on the sidelines watching this can also be concerning and bring up different emotions.

FOR CHILDREN MOVING TO SECONDARY SCHOOL.

I am aware of what a big step this can be for children. Moving from a small school to a much bigger environment. If you can, I encourage you to talk through how they might be feeling about their first day. I have supported a lot of children through the school transition period and some of the points can be a concern for children.

• Finding their way round the school
• Taking the right books/equipment on the right day
• Getting to know more teachers
• Being in a bigger environment with older children
• Lunchtimes, possibly using the canteen
• Finding the toilet
• Getting changed for P.E.
• The playground
• The journey to and from the school

MOVING TO UNI
Going to Uni can be another milestone in your child’s life. This can raise a different set of issues like.
• Moving away from home
• Managing money for the first time
• Managing household jobs such as washing and cooking. Maybe for the first time
• Taking responsibility for their academic work
• Perhaps live with a group of other young people

STARTING WORK
• Getting up on time
• New colleagues/Responsibilities/Job Role
• Travel to and from work

Whether we are an adult or a child, sometimes if we have worries or concerns, we might feel silly or that they aren’t that important. This might also mean that your child doesn’t feel able to express them.

What I say to everyone is that whatever your concern/worry/issue is that. IT IS VALID, AND IT IS IMPORTANT BECAUSE IT MATTERS TO YOU. YOU ARE IMPORTANT.

Having identified some issues that might arise for children and young people during this time of change. I wanted to share a few activities and ways that you can support your child at this time.

• Talk to them. As simple as it sounds, this can sometimes make all the difference. Time and a safe space can be the key to helping your child through this time.

• I understand not all children can put into words how they might be feeling. Equally, some children might not want to speak. Writing, drawing, and doodling can be a great way to express and release feelings or emotions. For older children journalling can be a good way to do this. For younger children make a scrap book where they cut out pictures from magazines, stickers or anything they like.

• Invite your child to write down anything that is worrying (it doesn’t need to be worry you can use this for any emotion), then on a piece of paper. If they can’t write, drawing or doodling is an alternative. Whilst I understand you might want to know what is on their piece of paper, it’s important that they feel happy to share it with you rather than they are feeling they have to. If a child feels they have to share what they have written, it will restrict what they put down.

• Spend time outside. Spending time outdoors can be calming, and relaxing. This can help reduce stress, anxiety, and worry. There are many ways you can do this and make it fun. Simple activities like I spy, or looking out for specific thing whilst out even in the car, for example, who can see a red car, or how many red cars can you see?

• Help them put together an emotional tool kit of things that can help them when they are trying to manage their emotions. You can do this with children of any age and it can be made into a fun activity. One question that can help when you are putting this kit together is asking them, ‘What would help you when you feel this way?’ If they aren’t sure, you could look at the things they like doing which might help you both determine what they would like in their emotional tool kit.

Here are a few ideas of things to include. However, it’s important to put things together that help the person that will be using it. Emotional tool kits are very personal things. An additional activity as part of this exercise might be creating, decorating, or making a box, bag or something else to put your kit in.

• Stress balls or playdough can be really useful if your child needs something they can physically help calm them down.

• Pen/Paper/Coloured Pens/Pencils
• Colouring books

• Word Searches/Suduko for older children
• Music
• Post stick notes
• Soft toy/doll
• Jenga..For anyone feeling angry..building towers up and knocking them down can be a good way to release emotions
• Emotions cards (you can create your own). For instance , happy,sad, angry, stressed, scared. These are a tool that your child can use to help express their emotions. It can also be an opportunity to start to develop an understanding of their feelings and emotions.

• Spend time together. This might sound simple but this can be when the important conversations unfold. Board games can be great for this, as can be going out for walks. Sometimes, when you spend time together you can discover things you don’t know about each other. For instance, what’s your favourite childhood memory? Or what makes you feel happy? What is your proudest moment? This is an opportunity for not only you to get to know your child but It’s also an opportunity for your child to get to know you.

 

CHECKING IN

Emotions can build up over time and sometimes it can be difficult to identify what they are and where they come from. Something I suggest with both children and adult is having a regular check in with yourself. It can be as simple as how am I feeling at the moment? So, I invite you to have conversations with child about how your child is doing? This might sound simple and obvious yet, I am aware that life can get busy, and with so much time spent on electronic devices it can be easy to check out how we are.

Sometimes having a weekly check in timetable can help identify any key emotions or issues that might be having an impact on your child.

A Check In timetable would look like something like the one I have done at the end of this post.

Another thing I suggest parents can use with younger children is a traffic light system. So, you might ask if their day was a traffic light colour which colour would it be. If you have younger children they might like to draw or create their own traffic lights.

Alternatively you could ask your child, how they are feeling right now. Green would be amazing, amber would be okay, red would be bad.

Once you have identified how your child is feeling, you could then and if they were willing break this down a bit further. With older children, you could get them to thought storm everything that left them feeling a particular way. Younger children might like to draw or doodle how they feel. By writing, drawing, or doodling about how they are feeling. This allows children to release and let go of anything they are holding onto. It can be a really useful tool and can help both your child and you make sense of what is going on for them and the support they might need.

When you have finished, it can be helpful to ask them. What small thing might help you at the moment with this situation/feeling? Breaking situations or emotions down into a, smaller, more manageable pieces can sometimes make all the difference to people.

Change at any age can seem overwhelming and daunting. It can be particularly so for children as they navigate not just the emotional changes but the physical changes too.
In my time as a youth worker, counsellor, and nursery nurse, I have learnt is that just like adults sometimes all children want is a space to talk and offload. The world can be a confusing age at any time , but particularly so as a child. As a child we are often told what we should be doing, or how we should behave yet as we mature we have to figure this out by ourselves. Life situations and relationships can be challenging, and difficult at any age, yet for children, it can be far more difficult.

ADDITIONAL POINTS.

Whilst communication plays a really important role in supporting children at this time. Just as important is allowing your child time and space to process their thoughts and emotions. Sometimes life can feel stressful and overwhelming and just having that time and space to process where we are at is an important aspect of mental health for everyone.Whilst you can’t do this for them, talking through any situations that your child might be apprehensive about can help reduce any stress and anxiety your child might be feeling.

It can be difficult supporting children through these key milestones in their life. However, they are very lucky to have YOU supporting them. Life isn’t perfect, but we can only do the best we have with the resources that you have at the time. Sometimes offering your child a space to talk things through and offload. Or to explore, some solutions or coping strategies can make a huge difference.

I wish you well as you navigate this time of change with your child. I have listed some numbers below which might be of help to you.
If you would like further support, please feel free to get in touch with me to discuss how I might be able to help. Appointments are tailored to suit individuals. I am always happy to have a chat to discuss how I might best support your child.

 

 

CHECK IN SHEET..HOW AM I FEELING?

 

MON	TUES	WEDS	THURS	FRI	SAT	SUN
MORNING
LUNCH
EVENING

 

 

 

LET’S TALK..WHERE’S THE BUT COMING FROM??!!

 

So, you’ve been thinking about Counselling for a while, however each time there is a BUT..Perhaps it’s a BIG BUT, A MEDIUM SIZED BUT, A SMALL BUT. However, it’s the BUT that maybe prevents you seeking some support and enabling you to live a brighter, happier, more fulfilled, peaceful, calmer life that YOU deserve. Yes we are all deserving and worthy of this.

Today I would like to clear some of those potential BUTS up that might be getting in the way of seeking support. Before I do this, I will say that these answers are how I work and other counsellors might have different answers.

Here’s my BUT and this is an okay BUT that might help you. It’s okay to do some research and ask counsellors any questions you might have. If you are still reading THANK YOU.I hope these answers help.

• BUT you don’t think your problem is THAT big or important.If it matters to you and is impacting you. It’s important and I can support you with this. Even if you think it’s just a little niggle talking things through can help.
• BUT other people’s problems are more important than mine. YOU are the most IMPORTANT PERSON. Your mental health and emotional being is important.
• BUT you are embarrassed or feel silly. It can be difficult to open up and talk about stuff sometimes. BUT I GUARANTEE YOU A SAFE, CONFIDENTIAL SPACE WITH EMPATHY, UNDERSTANDING, COMPASSION AND NO JUDGEMENT.
• BUT you might get upset, angry, sad. This can happen sometimes. However, this can often be a release of emotions that have built up over time and can releasing these can be part of the healing process.
• BUT you are worried about what people think and don’t want people knowing your business. Your appointments remain confidential. If you don’t want to tell anyone that’s okay.
• BUT it’s too expensive. I offer reduced rates to suit your income.
• BUT you don’t want someone telling you what to do. I get this. As a counsellor my role is a supportive one rather than a diagnostic one. So I will never tell you what to do. Although if you find it beneficial we can explore some coping strategies.
• BUT I don’t have time. I get this too.I work flexibly offer in person, online or telephone appointments. I offer some evenings and Saturday appointments. I also happy to offer fortnightly, monthly or one off appointments.
• BUT the counsellor won’t be nice. I get this one as well. I believe that I offer a warm, welcoming, supportive and flexible approach to counselling. I tailor appointments to suit individuals. I always suggest an initial appointment to start with meaning there is no pressure to come back if you don’t feel I am the right one for you. However, I understand it’s all very well me saying this but what am actually like. I have a few testimonials from previous clients on my website and counselling directory profile which might give you an insight into what I am really like.

Firstly if you have read all of this THANK YOU. If you feel ready to move the BUT out the way, so you can seek the support you deserve to enable you to step forward to a brighter future. Please feel free to get in touch to discuss how I might be able to support you further. I’m always happy to have a chat beforehand. If you have found this blog post helpful and think you might be ready for counselling, you might like to check out my first blog post called..Finding A Counsellor..Where Do I Start? On this website you will find a number of different blog posts as well as 6 FREE PDF DOWNLOADS. I also post regularly on my Tracy Smithers. Step by Step Counselling Facebook Page.
©Tracy Smithers. 2025

IS NO YOUR DEFAULT SETTING? WHEN YOU COULD BE SAYING YES?

 

Have you got what it takes? BUT you can’t quite bring yourself to say YES. If this is the case, I would like to invite you to consider WHAT LEADS YOU TO DEFAULT TO NO?

This is something I found myself pondering the other day when I was considering doing something, I hadn’t previously considered. If I am honest, I am not good at putting myself out there and trying things that are a little bit different. Because I find it SCARY!! TERRIFYING!! AND DAUNTING!! I just want to run in the other direction.

You might also be surprised to learning that I almost defaulted to NO before writing and sharing this post.

This realisation about DEFAULTING TO NO got me thinking about how much safer or easier saying NO can be. For me certainly it can act as a default mechanism. When I was contemplating my own situation, it was a combination of fear and lack of self belief. BUT it got me thinking that sometimes saying NO or deciding not to do something can be a bit of a default mechanism. For me it can be a bit of a comfort blanket. WHY? I am not sure. Maybe because it feels a bit risky.I’m not a fair ride type of person, so it’s possible I am a bit risk averse. What about you?

Before I continue, I just want to say that sometimes saying NO and not doing something, CAN be a good thing and certainly best for our MENTAL HEALTH and EMOTIONAL WELLBEING. There is nothing wrong with saying NO. This post is more of an invitation to explore the times when saying NO might lead us to miss out on that opportunity, that social interaction, relationship, chance to try something new, that chance to grow, develop, benefit, and blossom from something

So in the instances where it is safe and emotionally safe to say NO, I would like to invite you to examine where the NO is coming from. I would like you to consider. What makes it a NO rather than a YES?

Is the reason you say NO due to;

• Lack of self confidence/self belief
• Fear of what will happen
• Fear of failing
• Based on past experiences
• Fear of what others might think or that you might be judged
• Fear about if it doesn’t work out
• It is out of your comfort zone
• Fear of life and relationships changing
• Childhood experiences
• Based on feeling you have to act or behave in a certain way

If you are not sure what it might be like to make YES your default setting. Here are a few things you can that might help you with this.

•WILL SAYING YES NEGATIVELY IMPACT MY MENTAL HEALTH AND EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING?

•THOUGHT STORM. Put all your thoughts and feelings on paper. Then circle the ones that belong to you. Then those that might come from what others might say or might think. It can be surprising what ‘stuff’ we hold onto that doesn’t belong to us and thought storming can be a great way to identify who and where our ‘stuff’ originates from. For example. ‘I can’t do that because they might not like it’ or ‘I’m not going to try it because they said it didn’t work for them’.

•Then create another list just with your thoughts and feelings. Once you have done this look further at your list, and contemplate how many of these points link to;

*FEAR
*LACK OF CONFIDENCE
*LACK OF SELF BELIEF
*WHAT OTHERS MIGHT THINK ABOUT THE SITUATION
*HOW OTHERS MIGHT JUDGE YOU

. SELF TALK. CHANGE the language you use when you talk to yourself. How would it be to use kinder, more empathic, and compassionate language when talking to yourself.

CHANGE, I CAN’T to I CAN. CHANGE I HAVE TO to I WOULD LIKE TO. The language we use on ourselves can have a huge impact on our choices and our default settings. Changing our language can have a great impact on what we do in life and our relationships and social interactions.

• THINK about: WHAT YOU COULD DO? HOW COULD YOU DO IT? Consider your expectations. If you were to alter them, would it make a difference to your DEFAULT SETTING?

• WHAT might change if you were to say YES rather than NO? WHAT BENEFITS could there be to changing your DEFAULT SETTINGS?

• SPEAK TO OTHERS. EXPLORE THE OUTCOMES

• DO SOME RESEARCH. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER. Sometimes it can be easier to say NO when we don’t have all the FACTS. Would a bit of research and some more information help?

I invite you to explore the possibility of making YES your DEFAULT SETTING rather than NO. Sometimes defaulting to YES and embracing opportunities can EMPOWER and ENABLE us to embrace opportunities, relationships, and connections that enhance our life. Whatever you decide you are in control of your DEFAULT SETTING and can choose to change it any time you wish.