Month: December 2024

 

“SHINE LIKE THE BRIGHT STAR YOU ARE THIS CHRISTMAS (AND ALWAYS).”

                                                                                                                                                           T.SMITHERS

WAYS TO BOOST AND TAKE CARE OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. TOOLS FOR YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL TOOLKIT TO HELP YOU THROUGH CHRISTMAS AND BEYOND…

This time of year can be a time of great joy and excitement for some. However, for others I know that it can be a source of great pain, sadness, stress, and worry.

Christmas can bring up a range of different situations that you might not normally have to manage.Perhaps you are having to spend Christmas with people you would rather not be with, you are struggling financially. Maybe this year you have experienced a loss or change in circumstances and you will be experiecing differently. It might be that Christmas is a trigger for you and brings up painful memories of Christmases past. Maybe you are struggling to deal with what you have to get done in time for the big day. Or you are doing your best to meet expectations whether they be your own or others.  This time of year can be overwhelming. What I often say to the people I work with is that you are doing the best you can with the resources you have at the time. Also just a reminder, that Christmas is just once a year and you will always remain wonderful you long after the food is eaten and decorations put away.

As well as the pressure we put on ourself there can also be many external pressures from other people, adverts, television and social media. The reality is each everyone of us will experience differently. There is no right or wrong just different.

Whatever your circumstances, you are not alone. Here are a few tips to help you through this time.

• COMMUNICATE with others. Clarify expectations. Sometimes tensions, disputes, and a range of other feelings can arise from a lack of communication. It’s okay to express how you feel. It’s also okay to say no. Whilst we can’t always know what circumstances are going to arise. Sometimes it can help to have a conversation in advance. It can be far easier to sit down calmly and in a relaxed environment to discuss expectations, than fraught and maybe tense conversations in the moment.
• Keep things SIMPLE. Sometimes less is more.
• Set BOUNDARIES. If you want to set a time limit on an event, how much you spend on presents, what you do over Christmas, how much driving you do. It’s okay to be clear about what you are able to/would like to do. It’s okay to say no sometimes.
• THINK ahead. If you aren’t seeing people in new year. Why not PAUSE the present buying until nearer the time?
• Be REALISTIC with your expectations. At this time of year sometimes expectations can be higher. I think it’s important to remember that perfect doesn’t exist but good enough does! So often we strive to achieve the perfect situation and the enjoyment and fun of it is lost.
• REDUCE any stress/ pressure you are under. ASK FOR HELP. SIMPLIFY THINGS. Do what you can to make things easier for yourself.
• TAKE SOME TIME OUT. it’s okay to do this! So I encourage you to allow yourself to do so. Get some fresh air. Go for a walk. Even  offer to do the washing up if that gives you some time out.
• BE MINDFUL.. Focus on being in the present! No pun intended! On that note, I invite you to remember that your presence is a far greater gift than any presents you give. I really believe that time spent with others is the greatest gift we can offer. We live in a busy, fast paced world where time is something we are quite often short off. Being in the moment, enjoying the company of others, talking and listening to others. Just being in the moment is one of the most precious things, I believe we can do an offer. Throughout my time as a counsellor and also on a personal level, I understand the importance of being listened to and being heard.
• HAVE A BREAK from social media, television, and digital devices. Why not try alternative activities such as board games, jigsaw puzzles, charades! Or maybe create a family tradition. Last year we had an art activity.
• Be AWARE of how much alcohol you are drinking. Alcohol can fuel our emotions and also our behaviour, interactions, and our words.
• REMEMBER to breath.
• BE YOURSELF.
• HAVE FUN AND BE KIND TO YOURSELF!!

If you are reading this and could do with some extra support, I do offer one off counselling appointments. Each and every appointment is tailored to suit each indviduals needs. I also offer reduced rates to those who are experiencing financial hardship. Counselling can be a chance to talk, offload, and also explore some coping strategies. So, if counselling is something you might not previously have considered, but you could do with a space to talk things through at this time of year, please feel free to get in touch. You can message me via my enquiry form or send an email to tracy.stepbystepcounselling@gmail.com.

Wishing you all a very safe Christmas time. Take care of yourself. All the best for 2025.

I posted something on my counselling Facebook page recently which attracted some attention and inspired me to write this post.

In childhood we might have experienced bullying at school or elsewhere. Perhaps you are a parent and are currently supporting your children through this situation. But how many of you have experienced bullying in the work place or somewhere else as an adult.

I myself have experienced bullying in the work place and other situations on a few occasions in my life. It has knocked my confidence, self esteem, severely impacted my mental health and left me a shadow of my former self. Thankfully I eventually walked away from the environments that were impacting me, built myself up again and been able to move forward to a much brighter happier future. However the experience has lingered and I think made me overall more cautious about group situations.

Sometimes when we are in an environment that causes us pain or damages our mental health we are unable to see the damage it can have on us, it’s not until we walk away that we see it’s impact. This can be true of both environments, situations, and relationships.

I know myself have lived in fear of going to work everyday for sometime how these situations can eventually break us.

What I have learnt from this is; that living in fear of a job, a boss, or colleague to the point it impacts you on a daily basis even when you are not at work is unhealthy. Whilst we cannot change others and perhaps elements of our work environment we do have the power to take steps to safe guard our own emotional wellbeing. From my own experiences, I appreciate this can be easier said than done at times, however even making the smallest changes can make a huge difference and your mental health.

Here are some ways that can help you if you are being bullied in the workplace or elsewhere.

1. Identify how the bullying is impacting you on a daily basis. One thing that can help you with this is writing down all elements of the situation and then rate each aspect on a scale of 1-10. With 1 being the least impact it has on you and 10 being the least. Once you have done this look at the highest scoring situations, the ones rating 7 and above out of 10.
2. Having identified the key aspects of how you are being impacted. Take some time to think about what you would like to be different. What needs to change for your to start feeling better? It might help to imagine if you were to wake up one morning and feel better, what would it be like, what would have changed.
3. Once you have identified what would need to change. Ask yourself what 3 things could you do to make those changes? They don’t have to be big things to begin with. Everything starts with a first step.
4. Seek support from others. Talk to someone.
5. Focus on what you can change rather than what you can’t
6. Take some time out to clear your head. Sometimes the old phrase of sleeping on it can really make a difference.
7. When communicating with people use I statements rather than you statements. This allows you to take the power back in a situation. Be clear when you are speaking to someone. Address the issues you have and what outcome you want from the situation. Remember that you can’t change others however you do have the power to make changes to your situation. Words can be incredibly powerful. 
8. If you aren’t sure what to say it’s okay to write things down or rehearse them.
9. Focus on your breathing. Believe it or not taking breaths in and out can really help. When you exhale let go of any stress and tension.
10. Find time for relaxation.

Above all remember that whatever the situation your mental and physical health is the most important thing. You are worthy of being valued and being treated with courtsey and respect. If any situation is impacting your wellbeing to the point you are becoming unwell, living in fear, or a situation is impacting your health perhaps it’s not the right place to be. Somewhere out there is a place or person that will treat you in the way you deserve to be treated. Take care of yourself.